Men’s Corner: 5 Ways to Support the Women in Your Life with Chronic Pain

Gentlemen, If you've ever thought, I want to help, but I don't know how, you’re in the right place. While modern medicine addresses symptoms, what often gets overlooked is the impact of stress, relationships, and emotional well-being on chronic pain. And here’s the kicker—your role in her life significantly influences how she feels, both emotionally and physically.

Daily stressors, emotional disconnect, and unbalanced responsibilities can all contribute to chronic pain flare-ups. But the great news? You can be a source of support and relief.

This isn’t about huge, complicated gestures or becoming a medical expert —it’s about being mindful, reducing stress where possible, and making her feel heard and valued. Here are five powerful yet simple ways you can make a real difference in the life of a woman managing chronic pain.

1. Listen First, Fix Later

I get it—you hear "pain" and immediately think, How do I fix this? But sometimes, the best thing you can do is just listen. Let her vent without interrupting, offering solutions, or (worst of all) telling her it’s "all in her head." Pain is real, even when you can’t see it. Your job? Be present. Nod, validate, and resist the urge to problem-solve unless she specifically asks for advice.

2. Reduce the Everyday Stressors

Look, no one is expecting you to single-handedly cure chronic pain, but you can reduce unnecessary stress in her life. Ask yourself:

• Are you helping with household responsibilities?

• Do you check in on how she’s feeling emotionally?

• Are you contributing to stress without realizing it (e.g., procrastinating on things she asked you to do)?

Sometimes, it’s not the condition—it’s the exhaustion of managing life, relationships, and responsibilities on top of the pain. Lighten her load where you can.

3. Be the Stress Reliever, Not the Cause

Chronic pain isn’t just physical—it’s deeply tied to emotional well-being. If your presence is adding tension instead of relief, it’s time to reassess. Be mindful of how your words and actions impact her. If she’s already in pain, an argument, a passive-aggressive remark, or emotional unavailability can make it worse. On the flip side, small gestures—checking in, offering comfort, being playful—can help her body relax rather than tense up in survival mode.

4. Educate Yourself

If she’s dealing with IBS, fibromyalgia, or chronic fatigue, you don’t have to become an expert, but a little research goes a long way. Understanding what she’s going through means fewer insensitive comments like "But you don’t look sick" or "Have you tried yoga?" Instead, ask her what helps, what hurts, and how you can best support her journey. Knowledge = deeper connection.

5. Prioritize Emotional and Physical Intimacy

This isn’t about "fixing" intimacy—it’s about understanding it differently. Chronic pain can affect how she experiences physical closeness. Instead of feeling rejected when she’s not up for sex, try leaning into emotional intimacy first. Be patient, be affectionate, and above all—be adaptable. When she feels safe and heard, her body can relax, which in turn reduces pain. Love and care aren’t just emotional—they’re therapeutic.

Final Thoughts: Be a Partner, Not Just a Bystander

Supporting a woman with chronic pain doesn’t mean having all the answers—it means being present, reducing stress where you can, and creating a safe space where she feels supported. The good news? By doing this, you’re not just helping her feel better—you’re strengthening your relationship and growing as a partner.

So, take a deep breath, check in with the woman you love, and remember: small efforts make a big difference.

With respect and collaboration,

Dr. Su